The True Story of What Was
by ice-woman
Summary: CHAPTER THREE'S UP! Literati. Season three, takes place right after Rory returns from Washington. She decides to stay with Dean, but this decision seems to be turning her into someone she no longer recognizes. r/r!
1. In the Margins

This story takes place at the beginning of Season Three, right after Rory returns from Washington. r/r please!

xXx

Rory paced in front of her desk, fingers tapping her thighs anxiously. She'd been home for nearly three hours and had a pile of crumbled letters littering her floor. She couldn't figure out how to fix this mess she had created. Mainly, she couldn't figure out what it was that she wanted out of this situation. She couldn't envision an ideal situation, because regardless of what happened next, someone would inevitably get hurt.

She'd spent the first three stabs at writing a letter apologizing to Jess and telling him that they couldn't be together, because as unfair as the situation was to everyone involved, Dean was her boyfriend and he deserved to be treated better in the future.

She'd spent the next two letters insisting that if she really cared about Dean, she'd break up with him and allow him to find someone who would be able to treat him better.

She then proceeded to feel embarrassed about all of the letters and rejected them all. How could she even be certain that Jess cared about her? What if her mom was right? What if she was imagining everything? He'd never said anything specific to her. So what? She'd break up with Dean and then Jess would just shrug haphazardly and walk away not even appreciating the huge sacrifice she had made for him?

That realization led her to what she had been working on for the past hour, her trusted source of decision making, the faithful pro-con list. The evidence was insurmountable so far.

Dean cared about her, loved her even. Dean built her a car. Dean got along great with her friends and family. Dean thought it was cute that she liked to read. Dean was protective of her. He made her a bracelet. He always called when he said he would. He took her out. He trusted her. And, he had worn tuxes on various occasions for Chilton events and at Sookie's wedding.

Jess was exciting. She didn't know exactly how to elaborate on that first point, because it was such an intangible experience. He made her feel alive and exhilarated, whereas Dean made her feel safe. Jess not only loved the fact that Rory read, but he understood this part of her. He not only read similar books and suggested ones Rory had never even heard of, but he challenged her and he left notes and comments in her own books. He expanded her world. He did also pay ninety dollars just to spend an afternoon with her, and although she couldn't quite wrangle the truth out of him, she knew he had planned it. He talked to her and connected with her in a way Dean never could. Dean tried, she knew that much, but he couldn't reach her, at least not in the same way Jess did.

There was also the small matter of Jess never really leaving her mind. He haunted her. He invaded her thoughts and her dreams; she couldn't even read a book without his influence washing over her.

Of course, Jess was unreliable. He was spontaneous and moody, and while that was an essential part of his allure, Rory could never be sure about a relationship with him. He was so up and down. Plus, her mom didn't just dislike him, she _loathed_ him. In fact, the entire town was against him. There was nothing definite about Jess. He was who he was and that very definition could change from one moment to the next.

But Dean, well, he was Dean. He was there for her, always, even when she didn't really want him to be. He was forgiving and kind and supportive of her. She always knew exactly where she stood with Dean, and while this might be quite boring for some, she had convinced herself that this was a very important trait.

She sighed. She had decided. Dean had stood by her even when she didn't deserve his love. The very least she could do is stand by him now. He didn't deserve to be hurt just because she had made a mistake. She'd learn to be a better girlfriend from now on. She owed him.

Rory glanced at the clock. It was eight fifteen. Dean would be over at nine. Her mother was at her grandparents' for dinner, so she had exactly forty five minutes to do what she felt she needed to do. She snatched a stack of post-it notes from her desk and scribbled a sloppy note on the top one. She then turned to her bookshelf, deciding which book would best suit this endeavor. She found a thin book by Chekhov, a collection of short stories. It was perfect, because in a book filled with different stories that had various endings, Jess couldn't read too much into anything. It was the Switzerland of all books. She opened the cover, sticking the post-it to the inside flap. She slammed it shut, satisfied.

A few minutes later she rushed out the door, book strategically planted in the purse hanging loosely across her shoulder. She walked with determination and purpose. She had planned on remaining calm and collected, acting naturally as if nothing was eating at her. She found this to be an impossible task. She had to get this over with, and quickly..

Moments later she breezed through the diner, not even daring to glance at Luke, for fear of losing her nerve. She walked past the diners, ignoring them, and forced herself behind the plaid curtain and up the steps. It was in the hallway that she began to lose her nerve. She didn't even know if Jess was home. If he wasn't, she'd just leave the book. Luke would assume it was Jess's and toss it inside, never thinking of opening it. She fished the book out from her purse, clasping it tightly. Her palms were sweaty, radiating frazzled emotions she couldn't allow herself to identify.

She rapped lightly on the door, waiting exactly three seconds before plunging inside. She spotted him standing in front of a dresser, his eye catching hers in a mirror. She wished she could only see him this way, reflected by glass, boundaries separating them. His eyes seemed safer, less intense. He seemed more vulnerable and easier to ignore.

Then he spun around and she had to steady her breathing. She knew he would turn to face her, so why was she so shocked by the sight of him? He looked exactly the same, messy dark hair, velvety brown eyes, unapproachable stance. She remembered the smell of him, though try as she might, she could never describe it. He seemed more calloused than usual and though this hardness should have made her task easier, she found herself wanting to cry instead. Biting her lip roughly to cancel out the pain of standing so close to him, she narrowed her eyes and forced herself to concentrate as she plunged towards him.

"I...I tried," she said desperately, wishing he could read between her words into what she really meant. She believed naively that he somehow understood precisely what she intended to say, but she couldn't be sure. She attempted again. "To write," she clarified. "I...I tried."

Jess shrugged acting as if this was no major concern of his. "No pens?" he all but snapped.

His anger is a defense mechanism, she told herself, but even so, the harsh tone of his voice made her want to slither back to her bed and never come out of her room again. She fought against the urge to surrender and her blue eyes met his, challenging him. "I didn't know what to say," she said shortly.

He nodded. "Huh," was all he could utter, because now her eyes were icy and biting at him. He'd never seen her this defensive before. She was so vulnerable and so malicious all in one tumultuous whirlwind.

"Here," she said, extending the book to him. He stared down at the cover, examining it quickly. Rory pushed it farther towards him. "Just take it," she urged him, her eyes now backing down, turning to the floor, her strength running far away from her body.

"Rory..." he began, knowing this was not how this scene was supposed to go. He had played it out in his head so many times before and in none of the scenarios was she this impossible to read, to reach.

She shook her head, bringing his sentence to an abrupt halt. "No," she said, already scrambling out of the room. "I _can't_," she said simply, scurrying back down the hallway and down the stairs. Luke's eyes met hers as she started across the diner, feeling the weight of several townspeople's questions and opinions dragging her down. Surely this was how Hester Prynne must have felt with all of those people looking at her, mocking her, claiming they knew exactly the type of person she was and exactly what was going through her mind..

She was angry. They had no right. They had no idea what she was thinking, what she was feeling. This wasn't their place to interfere. She didn't need their condemnation.

She pushed the door open forcefully, slapping her legs loudly against the concrete as she ordered them to carry her home. She was shaking and dizzy and she didn't trust her body anymore.

"Rory?" a warm voice called, rushing over to her. She wasn't sure who it was. The voice could have belonged to anyone, but she allowed them to wrap their arm around her waist and then to embrace her, and it was then that she recognized the familiar chestnut hair and the feeling of being towered over. She found she couldn't let go of him.

"Rory are you okay?" Dean asked, unable to pry her off of him.

She hated the relief she felt when she realized she could mask her hysteria as excitement. She wanted to break down, to fall to pieces, to shriek as loud as she could. She needed to remove all extra emotion from her body until she was unable to feel at all. She wanted to pull at Dean's hair, to hit him, to push him, _anything_ to make him understand a semblance of the torment she was going through.

Instead she remained frozen in place, eyes glazing over in the sad realization that she was frozen inside of her own body. She was a prisoner.

"I just really missed you," she managed weakly, and as she assumed, he kissed her forehead and hugged her back, believing she was as ecstatic as he was about their reunion.

xXx

Jess stared too intently at the open door, still swinging from the force of Rory's departure. He watched until the swinging became a slow sway and then eventually nothing at all. So that's how it was going to be? She'd heighten his emotions, make him think he stood a chance, then leave him to slowly crumble until he was left with nothing?

He slammed his fist again the wall, ripping the skin from his knuckles, his palm throbbing with pain. He winced slightly, forcing his lungs to expand. He just needed to breath. The pain would disperse if he just kept breathing.

As he flipped open the book, understanding that Rory wouldn't just hand it over to him without it bearing some significance, the pain echoed loudly through his head until he couldn't even pinpoint his hand as the source of his stinging torment. Ignoring his physical ailment, he caught a flash of pink and opened the book widely, his fingers agonizing. He read the few words littering the note, able to decipher that she had rushed through them.

_**I hate this.**_

Jess stared at the three words, waiting for the hidden secret. He could interpret them a thousand different ways. She hated him for coming back to her town and uprooting her life. She hated herself for kissing him. She hated the book, for crying out loud.

No, none of this was right. If she was rejecting him, she'd done it in a pretty lousy way. He just felt surges of fresh anger building up inside of him, forcing him to slap the book shut and chuck it against the opposing wall, words still imprinted across his mind.

He knew what she hated. He understood what she meant, but he wasn't ready to let her slip away that easily. She hated that she was stuck with Dean. She hated that she was too nice to do anything about it. She hated Jess, because here he was making her feel guilty when she was supposed to be happy. She hated that he'd come back and she also hated that he had gone away. He got the message loud and clear. It was the same message that had been tugging at him for months now.

But to see it like that, in ink, scratched furiously as if she didn't even care if he could make out the letters, it stung. He almost preferred she had done nothing. Ignoring their weird pseudo-relationship might have been better. _Almost_.

Still, she had come. She had marched across town and through the diner and into his room, invading his privacy, invading unfamiliar territory. She came and she struggled, but she managed to connect with him, even without actual conversation. She wrote the damn note, which meant she'd been thinking about the subject, and knowing her, she'd been torturing herself for weeks.

She went against her better judgment and she came to him, and even if he hadn't received the response he had been hoping for, she still had reached out to him. She probably didn't even realize that no matter what she wrote on that stupid scrap of paper, he'd know that just by her even attempting to pacify him just proved what he had been torn over all summer.

Rory gave a damn about him. He hadn't imagined it. She felt something and she hated that she did, but she still did nonetheless. It was still _there_.

"What the hell?" Luke remarked, bounding into the apartment. "Rory comes storming in here like a bat out of hell and then runs out a minute later, then it sounds like you throw a damn table at the wall and..."

Luke froze, eyes falling upon Jess's hand. His eyes met Jess's and he didn't have to say a word. Luke wouldn't ask. He was a relatively isolated person, but he wasn't a damn moron. He knew.

"Come on," he said, signaling for Jess to follow him. "We gotta get it looked at."

Neither said a word after this and when the doctor asked, Jess claimed he fell off of his skateboard.

xXx

Rory lie half awake across the couch, head resting on a pillow nestled across Dean's lap. He looked down at her lovingly.

"Want me to leave?" he asked.

Rory nodded slowly, then caught her mistake. Good girlfriends _never_ wanted their boyfriends to leave. "I mean, _no_, I don't _want_ you to leave, but I'm exhausted," she insisted, yawning for effect.

Dean grinned kissing her cheek quickly before lifting her head up and sliding off of the couch. "I knew what you meant," he insisted, brushing his lips against hers.

Rory held back, allowing his lips to apply pressure to her mouth. She felt unable to respond, but knew Dean would just chalk it up to her being tired. She touched her finger to her lips as Dean called goodbye to her, door closing quietly behind him. The last time she had kissed someone, it had been Jess. She'd avoided Dean before going to Washington and had managed to maneuver her way out of kissing him all night. She wasn't sure why it mattered that Jess's lips had been the last ones she willingly touched, but it did. There was some significance behind it, and she knew that if she was reading this story in a book, this would be the exact moment where she began yelling in her mind at the protagonist, wishing they'd realize what she the reader already knew.

But, this wasn't a book. This was her life, and it wasn't as simple as doing whatever she pleased. Actions had consequences, and now she had to pay for her mistakes. She was certain in a matter of time the insufferable loneliness would fade and she would enjoy Dean's company again. What she was feeling was probably only guilt, _nothing more_.

"Mr. President!" Lorelai's voice called out in a singsong manner as she emerged through the back door.

"I'm only the vice president," Rory insisted, climbing to her feet.

Lorelai stared at Rory cautiously. "You want me to call you Dick Cheney?" she began, wrinkling her nose. "Well, okay, but just remember, _you asked for it_."

Rory rolled her eyes, hugging her mom tightly. A stray thought snuck into her head scolding her and informing her that _this_ was exactly how she was supposed to have hugged Dean...like she _missed _him. She crushed the thought quickly, turning back to her mom. "How was grandma's?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Dull. Lifeless. Boring. Mundane. Drab." Her mouth twisted into a grin. "Kinda like Cheney."

"You need therapy," Rory remarked, walking into the kitchen to make coffee. "Want some?" she asked, waving the coffee pot in front of her mom.

Lorelai shook her head. "Just came from Luke's," she explained. "I had to wash the tyranny off of my aura before I returned home."

Rory looked unconvinced. "So your mind took you to Luke? Mr. Sunshine?"

"_Well_," Lorelai began, understanding Rory's point. "Compared to Emily Gilmore, he's Bambi."

"Uh huh," Rory remarked, tapping her fingers anxiously across the counter as she waited for her coffee to finish.

"Oh, so uh, Stars Hollow has proved yet again that karma _is _in fact a bitch and _does_ go after everyone I will it to," Lorelai grinned.

"Sounds like karma's _your_ bitch."

"Something like that," Lorelai agreed. "Jess messed up his hand, pretty badly in fact. It's not in a cast, but he has to keep it wrapped. He shattered two of his knuckles or something as equally disgusting."

Rory's coffee pot trance broke. "What? How?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Luke said something about a skateboarding accident..."

"Jess does _not _skateboard," Rory replied haughtily.

"Didn't think so," Lorelai chimed in. "Which means he obviously lied to Luke, _big surprise_. He probably punched through a glass window in a seedy attempt to knock off a liquor store or record store or whatever it is that kid's into."

"Right, yeah," Rory muttered half-heartedly.

"Oh!" Lorelai remarked, digging in her purse. "I almost forgot. Luke said you left something at the diner earlier."

"I...did?"

Lorelai shrugged, fishing a book out of her purse. "He said you spotted Dean and naturally became distracted, and by the time he noticed the book you were long gone."

Rory snatched the Chekhov book greedily, heart racing at the possibilities. This wasn't how her plan was supposed to work. Jess was supposed to read the note and never write back. It was supposed to end all of the weird tension between them and erase the past. It was supposed to signal that she was staying with Dean and he had no choice but to respect that decision. It didn't warrant a reply.

"Thanks," Rory said, slightly delayed. "I'm gonna go...put it on my bookshelf."

"Okay," Lorelai said, none the wiser. "I'll fix your coffee."

Rory ducked into her room, and once out of sight, opened the front cover. She blinked. Nothing. She felt a strange mix or relief and disappointment twisting through her chest. He probably just wanted to return the book to her. He most likely wouldn't have felt right keeping it.

She started to file it back into her collection when she noticed a twinge of yellow in the mix of off-white. She allowed the pages to fly open slowly, stopping at the page with the yellow post it. It was blank, another peculiar sign.

But there in pen, underlined was a quote from the short story, _About Love_. Rory took a minute to recall the story before reading the words picked out just for her. It was a story about a man who secretly loved a married woman. She too, secretly cared for him, yet they never acted on their feelings. It ended sadly, pages dripping with regret. Rory's eyes inhaled the underlined statements hungrily.

"**Oh, how unhappy we were! -- I confessed my love for her, and with a burning pain in my heart I realized how unnecessary, how petty, and how deceptive all that had hindered us from loving was. I understood that when you love you must either, in your reasonings about that love, start from what is highest, from what is more important than happiness or unhappiness, sin or virtue in their accepted meaning, or you must not reason at all.**"

Rory's mind went blank. She knew what she wanted to believe about the underlined passage. She knew what she wanted to take from the words he deemed significant enough to sneak to her. But was this what he actually meant? She couldn't quite process the profoundness of his gesture.

"You okay, kid?" Lorelai called. Rory heard her footsteps clinking loudly, and she threw the book onto her bed as if she had just been caught doing drugs. Lorelai eyed her suspiciously. "Rory?"

Rory offered her mom a weak smile. "I'm just out of it," she insisted. "It's been _such _a long day and I'm exhausted. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, that's why there's coffee waiting."

Rory shifted her weight uncomfortably. She couldn't go out into the kitchen and drink coffee while indulging in small talk with her mom, as if nothing had happened. She couldn't fake another conversation.

"Do you mind if I just go to bed?" Rory asked softly. "I'm just beat and I need to sleep."

"Okay," Lorelai nodded. She kissed her daughter quickly on the forehead. "Get some sleep, kid, but tomorrow, you are all mine."

"Sounds good," Rory called, shutting her door hurriedly. She glanced at the crumbled letters on her floor and then at the book, nearly falling off of her bed. She looked into the mirror, not quite recognizing the person she saw. She was a mess and the only thing left to do, she decided, was to go to sleep and hope that in the morning this all seemed less impossible.

xXx

That's it for now...if you like it leave me reviews! Feedback inspires me to continue!


	2. Hypnotized

_The True Story of What Was_  
**Chapter Two:** **Hypnotized**

xXx

It was fairly simple, Rory determined. She woke up, went to Luke's, saw Dean at the bus stop, went to school, worked on the paper, came home around five, had dinner, then usually thought of a perfectly acceptable school-related excuse as to why she couldn't see Dean. She had no desire to see Dean, although she couldn't admit those words out loud. No, she was simply going through the motions of a person who was fully and wholly happy and pretending that she, in fact, was this person. So long as Dean believed her, she'd keep up the charade. It wasn't challenging at all.

Except that night, she messed up slightly. She told Dean she had an English paper to do, which was true. However, she'd already completed most of it the night before, and she was able to finish it within an hour. Dean said he had homework to catch up on, and that usually meant he would be inside all night. So, Rory thought it safe to venture to Luke's for food. Lorelai had to stay late at the inn and naturally their kitchen possessed no more signs of food than any normal family's bathroom would have. She was famished and in need of fresh air, and altogether tired of cramming herself indoors all of the time. Plus, if she saw Dean, she'd just explain what had happened and eat dinner with him. It would be better than sitting in her room, alone. She could muster happiness for him.

She was not, however, prepared for the dark-haired boy who sat flipping through a Hunter Thompson book while she stood gaping at the entrance of Luke's diner. She knew she couldn't leave. He'd look up if he heard the person who had just walked in turn to leave. She glanced around at the empty building. Of course, it would be her luck that the diner would be empty.

At last, Jess glared up from his book, eyes freezing when he caught sight of Rory. He set the book down and climbed to his feet, eyeing her rather anxiously.

"Where um…where's Luke?" was all Rory could come up with.

Jess tilted his head towards Miss Patty's studio. "Town meeting."

"Oh, right," Rory replied, glancing at the clock. It was only eight which meant that the meeting had just started, which also explained the emptiness of the diner. Still, it would be rude to leave, even if it meant enduring Jess, alone.

"So, uh, hungry?" Jess asked quickly.

"Yeah," Rory nodded, looking up at him. "How did you guess?"

"It's…a…diner," Jess said, not trying to sound too insulting, but really, what else could he say?

"Right," Rory nodded nervously, exhaling. She took a seat at the counter as Jess returned to his place behind the counter. "Your arm," she said, pointing at his splint free hand. "It's better?"

Jess shrugged. "Pretty much," he replied.

"So, how'd it happen?" Rory asked, knowing the skateboard story was a complete lie.

"Don't really want to talk about it," Jess said honestly.

"Okay," Rory replied, understanding.

"So, what do you want?" he asked, gesturing to the menu.

Rory pursed her lips as she contemplated. "I guess, just a cheeseburger and fries," she insisted.

"Okay," Jess said, pushing open the kitchen door. "Caesar, I need a Rory!" he remarked quickly, letting the door slide shut when he was finished.

"A Rory?"

Jess nodded. "It's the most common thing you get. For instance, a Kirk is scrambled eggs, one hard boiled egg, and a side of eggs over easy."

"Wow," Rory remarked, stunned. "You'd think I'd be unfazed by Kirk's eccentricness after so long, but here I sit, floored."

Jess nodded. "And, a Lorelai is a bacon cheeseburger with fries and onion rings," he informed her. "Unless it's morning, when it's eggs over medium, because god forbid she was anything but difficult, sausage and bacon, no toast, extra home fries."

"You're good," Rory complimented. "What's mine? For the morning?"

"Oh, that's easy," Jess replied. "Pancakes with a side of bacon if it's a normal day, but if you're really tired or upset then it's chocolate chip pancakes with a side of bacon and Caesar puts that whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top that drives Luke mad. I love when you order that, because Luke spends about ten minutes debating whether or not to attack Caesar with the whipped cream can. Can be quite fascinating to watch."

Rory grinned. "Well, you're quite perceptive," she noted.

Jess shook his head. "Caesar's the one who names the foods by customer," Jess explained. "I just finally caved into his system, because I got sick of him throwing cutlery at me."

"Huh," Rory nodded. She paused. "Wow, I _always_ order a cheeseburger and fries? How boring of me!"

Jess shook his head. "Not always…just most of the time. Just last week you tackled the whole ethnic food section," he reminded her.

"I did, didn't I," Rory recalled.

"Quite ambitious," Jess nodded.

"Thank you." Rory's eyes locked with his and she looked away quickly.

"I'll just be over here," Jess insisted, reaching for his book.

"Wait, um, I mean, if you're hungry…" Rory started. Jess stood still, indicating that she had his attention. Rory continued against her better judgment. "I just mean that, it's quite doubtful that you'll have any customers for the next hour while the town meeting's going on, so if you were hungry, you know…you could…"

"Eat with you?" Jess questioned.

Rory nodded, trying to hide all traces of anxiety or embarrassment from her face. "I think we've done it several times quite successfully," she reported.

Jess nodded. "I dare say we have," he agreed, setting his book back down. He stuck his head into the kitchen. "Caesar make that two Rorys!" he called.

"An excellent choice," Rory grinned.

"Yeah, I thought so, too."

xXx

Over a half hour later, Rory and Jess sat upstairs listening to the Stereophonics, who Jess swore Rory would love. She did. Luke had returned shortly after they had finished eaten, and Jess offered to let Rory borrow the cd they were now currently listening to. Rory, curious to see the new room that had been built for Jess only weeks before, followed him inside eagerly, and when she spotted _Fahrenheit 451_ on his bookshelf, the two instantly struck up a conversation about the book, leading to their current positions of sitting on the floor, backs propped up against his bed.

"Okay," Rory began, smiling coyly. "What about _Jane Eyre_?"

"Read it," Jess remarked, shooting her a glare. "I mean, isn't it just as equally sexist to assume I haven't read book by women authors?"

"For school or on your own?" Rory continued, ignoring his comment.

"Not answering," Jess grinned.

Rory let out a cry of glee. "You read _Jane Eyre_ on your own?"

Jess sighed. "I hate you."

"That's amazing," Rory confirmed. "_Really_. I couldn't even get Lane to read it, and it possessed some appeal to her, as her mom was against anything written by Bronte sisters.

"Frank McCourt?"

"I _loved_ Angela's Ashes," Rory insisted. "Never read the sequel though…"

"Oh, you _have _to read the sequel," Jess insisted. "You won't be sorry."

"Okay," Rory agreed. "Tim O'Brien?"

Now it was Jess's turn to be shocked. "_You_ read _The Things They Carried_?"

"That surprises you?"

"Well, no, not exactly," Jess apologized. "It's just that it's a pretty intense book…"

"What are you saying exactly, Mariano?" Rory grinned, jutting her jaw out in an effort to look tough.

Jess grinned, quickly losing his train of thought. "I do hope that's not your withering stare," he teased.

Rory pouted. "Maybe you're just not affected by my withering stare," she prompted.

"Small kittens wouldn't run," Jess teased.

"Hey, now, it can be _very_ intimidating if the person's not expecting it," Rory insisted.

"Okay, okay," Jess laughed, as the cd ended. His eyes flashed to the cd player and then to Rory. Both seemed suddenly aware of how loud the silence now engulfing them had become, and Rory realized with shock how close her body was to Jess's. Their legs were practically touching, and when they turned their heads, a mere sheet of paper would have had trouble separating the two.

Rory's heart seemed to be rattling inside of her chest. "I should go," she said quietly.

Jess nodded. "Yeah," he agreed, climbing to his feet. Rory stood up in front of him, the two still dangerously close to one another.

"I uh…thanks for the Rory."

"The _what_?" Jess remarked, unable to think clearly with Rory so close to him. He felt his hand graze hers accidentally. She trembled.

"The uh…the burger," Rory replied softly.

"Oh," Jess said, suddenly understanding. "No problem."

"Well," Rory started, fidgeting her hands nervously. She watched as Jess's eyes left hers, focusing towards the wall behind her instead. She felt the body warmth emanating from their proximity, but felt it warmth melt away as he began to step back, in an obvious attempt to ease the tension so that Rory could leave feeling as if she'd done nothing wrong.

"Jess," Rory whispered, eyes flicking to him for approval. He stopped backing up and froze, unsure what she wanted from him. Rory didn't wait to hear his question. She didn't wait to see what he would do. She only knew exactly what she wanted to do at that moment. Taking the small steps forward that placed her directly back in front of Jess, she reached for his hair, for the second time ever, and pulled him down towards her, her lips meeting his in an act of desperation. She kissed him heavily and passionately, this time not stopping when his arms wrapped around her waist. She felt his hands traveling up and down her back and the sensation was overwhelming. With Jess, every little movement, every touch, every word felt so intensely personal, and while this prospect scared her, it was also wildly exhilarating.

"_Rory_," Jess breathed, forcing himself to pull away.

Once the moment had been broken, Rory was left feeling uncomfortable, vulnerable, and extremely guilty. She stepped back quickly.

"Don't do this," Jess remarked, shaking his head. "_Rory_."

"I can't!" she remarked hysterically. "I can't be doing this!"

"Rory, I'm not forcing you to do anything," Jess insisted, his voice calm in an effort to keep her from overreacting.

"I know," she admitted quietly. "I know."

Jess opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it when he realized he had no idea what he wanted to say. What could he say? Rory was with Dean. She was off limits. He wasn't going to destroy her relationship if she didn't want to be with him.

"I…" she started, backing even farther away. It wasn't the distance that got to him. It was the fact that her eyes were changing in front of him, retreating back into that comatose state he'd seen her ambling around in for the past few weeks. She was locking herself back up, keeping herself safely away from him, and he hated it.

"You have every right to hate me," she said instantly, not meeting his eyes as she waited for his response.

"_Rory_," he remarked, growing annoyed with her self deprecating attitude. He paused, knowing that any irritated comment would just leave them on bad terms. "I _don't_ hate you," he insisted softly.

Rory blinked in surprise. She opened her mouth to say something else, but the sound of heavy footsteps drawing near stopped her. She turned to Jess in alarm. It was past eleven and Luke had no idea she had been upstairs all of this time. It wasn't as if she had snuck upstairs or anything like that. She just waited until Luke went into the kitchen, and now that she was realizing the implications of her being with Jess, mainly Luke's tendency to tell her mother everything, she didn't want to be found.

"Wh…" Rory started, turning to Jess.

"Quick," he whispered, kneeling down. She followed suit and dropped to the floor. He dug out a long box from under his bed that housed several of the books that didn't fit on his bookshelf. He pushed Rory to the ground and she quickly followed his lead, pressing herself to the floor and slipping underneath of the bed. Jess quickly replaced his box of books, knowing how suspicious it would look if Luke saw it sitting out on the floor. He had just fixed his comforter and plopped on top of his bed when Luke rapped on his door. Jess grabbed a book from his nightstand and opened it quickly.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up nonchalantly from his book as Luke pushed open the door.

"Caesar just left and I have a delivery tomorrow," Luke started. "So, no loud music."

"Got it," Jess nodded. "Old men need sleep."

Luke rolled his eyes not in the mood to argue. "Just keep it down."

"Understood," Jess remarked, freezing as Luke shut the door. He waited until he heard the reassuring footsteps of Luke returning to his own room before he slipped off of his bed and once more slid out his box of books from under the bed. He had to keep from laughing when he looked at Rory's face. He grinned. "You look like you've just been caught committing a felony."

Rory smirked, taking Jess's hand to help pull herself out from under the bed. "I _feel_ like I just committed a felony," she insisted quietly.

Jess grinned. "Well, Luke's usually out within ten minutes."

Rory nodded, feeling a bit ridiculous in this whole situation. "Sorry," she apologized.

Jess squinted his eyes. "For what?"

Rory shrugged. "I don't know…_this_…Luke…it just seemed like I should apologize."

Jess looked amused. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?" Rory asked.

"Apologize for things that aren't your fault?"

Rory shrugged again. "I don't know. Sorry." She grinned. "I didn't mean that."

Jess stifled a laugh. "So," he began, directing his attention back to the more difficult issue at hand.

Rory shook her head, indicating she didn't want to talk about it.

"Are you sorry for that too?" Jess asked quietly.

Rory paused. "I should be," she remarked.

"I didn't ask whether you should be sorry or not…"

"I know," Rory replied, looking up at him.

"So you're not going to answer?"

Rory pursed her lips. "Not right now, no," she said, bringing her arms across her chest to hide her awkwardness.

"Okay," Jess said softly, standing up and opening his bedroom door. He peered down the hallway to the stairs. Luke's door was shut and he had no doubt Luke would never suspect anyone was in his room. He motioned for Rory to follow him.

Rory tiptoed across Jess's room and then quickly scurried across the hallway and treaded lightly down the stairs. Rory looked back at Jess who had a painful expression on his face.

"What?" she hissed as she crept to the door.

"Nothing," he insisted, grinning. "It's just, you run _really_ funny when you're trying not to get caught," he teased.

Rory clamped her hand across her mouth to stop herself from laughing. "_Jess_, be serious."

"Right, serious," Jess whispered, unlocking the diner door. "There you go," he said, holding the door open for her.

Rory lingered in the doorway, her head turning back to Jess momentarily, but he knew the moment wouldn't last. It couldn't. He watched sadly as she blinked, eyes darting away from him. She was already gone.

xXx

Rory's pace slowed as she approached her house. Her mom's jeep sat in the driveway and suddenly an overwhelming feeling of dread crept over her. Her mom wasn't supposed to be home until midnight. She gulped. She'd have to tell her mom where she'd been.

Suddenly, the prospect of talking to Lorelai seemed like the easiest thing in the world when she turned and spotted Dean sitting on the porch. Rory's heartbeat quickened.

"Dean!" she called, jogging up to the porch. "Dean…I…"

"Where were you?!" he all but shouted, standing up.

"Dean, I can explain. See…"

Dean shook his head. "Rory, your mom calls me a half hour ago and asks if I've seen you, because she can't find you. So we wake up Lane…"

"Oh no…" Rory started.

"And then we decide to try Luke's…" Dean started.

Rory's eyes widened.

"And Jess tells your mom not to worry, you're on your way back."

"The diner had just closed…" Rory started.

"Closes at ten thirty," Dean muttered.

"Dean, I know this looks bad, but…"

Dean pushed past her. "Save it."

"Dean!"

Dean sighed, turning around to face Rory. "Were you with _him_?"

Rory frowned. "Yeah, but it…it was an accident. I just went there to get dinner and…"

"You told me you had a paper to write."

"I did!" Rory insisted. "I finished early and I just went to get some food and…"

"And what Rory?"

"Stop yelling!"

Dean pointed his finger at her. "You lied to me."

"I _didn't_ lie!"

"You were with him!" Dean remarked. "I'm not an idiot, Rory. It's almost midnight and the diner closed an hour and a half ago. Come on!"

"Rory!" Jess remarked, rushing down the sidewalk. He froze when he spotted Dean, obviously regretting his decision to come over.

Dean shook his head. "I'm out of here."

"No, Dean, wait…it wasn't…" Rory began, trying desperately to figure out how to explain her lapse of time.

Dean turned back to Rory, a look she didn't recognize in his eyes. "You can't have it both ways, Rory. And I'm not waiting around here while you figure out what you want. I'm out. We're done."

"_Dean_!" Rory pleaded, running after him. "Stop…why are you doing this?" she insisted, reaching for his hand.

"Rory, stop it!" Dean insisted. "I'm so over this game."

"What game?!" Rory remarked.

"The one where you run after Jess and then tell me it was all some big

misunderstanding," Dean remarked bitterly. "Just stop lying Rory. Just stop it."

Rory was floored by his loaded words. "Dean, I didn't want to…I didn't mean to hurt you…I did…I _do_ love you…I just…it's just…."

"Rory, I don't care!" Dean snapped. "And I'm sorry if that seem insensitive or blunt to you, but at this point, I really don't. I'm just tired of this whole situation, and I don't want to be a part of it anymore."

Rory started to protest but knew it was useless. Dean was right. She knew he was right. It was just much harder to admit all of the repercussions of his being right. She watched as Dean pushed past Jess and stormed across the street, disappearing around the corner. Rory stared after him, stunned. It took her a moment before she remembered Jess was standing next to her. She turned to him quickly, no longer wanting to be around anyone.

"I'm sorry," Jess insisted, looking up at her. "I didn't mean…your mom called the diner and I wanted to try and reach you before…"

"Before this," Rory said, almost laughing at the irony.

Jess nodded. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"See," Rory muttered.

Jess turned to her perplexed. "See what?"

"People always apologize for things they didn't do," she insisted. "You just apologized twice."

Jess held back a grin. "I…Dean's a jerk," he insisted. "I mean…if you want…if it'll help, I'll talk to him…I'll explain that…" Jess stopped, hoping she didn't really take him up on this offer.

Rory shook her head, wiping the tears from her eyes. "He's not a jerk," she insisted. "He's…" She cut off, her mouth threatening to tremble if she continued any longer. She turned to her house. "I really have to get inside."

"Okay," Jess nodded, understanding. He turned away and headed back to the diner. Rory meanwhile had to go inside and face the unknown; her mother.

She had the strangest sense that this was what other teenagers experienced when coming home late or sneaking out at night. Rory had never experienced that type of adolescent fear. Her mother was different. But, as she reached the front door and turned the small golden knob, she wasn't so sure Lorelai would just let this incident slide.

"Mom?" she offered meekly, her body still trembling from the fight with Dean. Too many emotions were bubbling inside of her, and she suddenly didn't care to apologize or to explain or to force her mother to listen to reason. She just wanted to drop to the ground and cry.

"Rory," Lorelai began, tight lipped. "Kid, I don't ask for much, but when…" Lorelai froze as she entered the living room and saw Rory leaning against the door, sobbing, knees pressing into her chest. Lorelai softened instantly, wrapping her arms around her daughter. She didn't ask what was wrong, but she had a pretty good idea. But right now, Rory didn't need judgments or advice. Right now, Rory just needed her mom.

xXx

r/r! Thanks!


	3. Venture Back to the Land of the Normal

_The True Story of What Was  
_**Chapter Three: Venture Back to the Land of the Normal**

Luke Danes was customarily up by five a.m. every morning. Contrary to popular belief, however, he did not enjoy rising before nine a.m. He did it because well, as an adult one has to adhere to the responsibilities that come with being an adult. Unfortunately, he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, mainly because his nephew apparently thought he was an idiot.

He had bells on the door. These bells were strategically placed so that if he was in the kitchen or storeroom, or anywhere else out of range, he could hear if a customer entered the diner.

Last night after walking into the kitchen, he didn't hear those bells ring. Yet, miraculously he noticed that both Rory and Jess were missing from the diner when he returned. Since he didn't believe Rory had mastered the fine art of teleportation, he assumed she was upstairs with Jess. He didn't think much into it. The two were friends and he liked Rory, and well, she was with Dean, so he had nothing to worry about.

Then, he goes in to say goodnight to Jess, and Rory has suddenly mastered the other supernatural skill of turning invisible. Or perhaps she could walk through walls, it quite obviously had to be one or the other. And then, another strange thing happens. The phone rings at eleven forty nine at night! Naturally, he assumes it's an emergency, but by the time he reaches the receiver, he hears Jess telling Lorelai not to worry, Rory's on her way home! And now, Luke is unsure whether to call Lorelai back and find out what's going on, but he decides to give Jess the benefit of the doubt and go and talk to him first. Then, when he goes downstairs, Jess is rushing out of the diner! And meanwhile, Luke is supposed to play the role of the unknowing uncle who was just too tired and unobservant to care.

It didn't take much for Luke to realize when something strange was going on. He might not have the oddly fine-tuned perceptions skills of Lorelai, but he worked in a diner for christ's sake. You could learn all you needed to know about human behavior by working in a diner. The fact that Dean had passed by Luke's over four times, the fourth time actually extending his hand to the door handle before shaking his head and walking away, told him that clearly something had happened, it unfortunately it had involved Jess. Why was Jess's involvement unfortunate? Because, when it came to Jess, it seemed he only had a knack for creating trouble where there once was peace, even if he didn't mean to. The kid had punched a brick wall for crying out loud! Luke wasn't dense, even if he acted as if he was unaware of what was really going on. Jess liked Rory and judging from whatever happened last night, Dean found out about this little fact, and apparently something had happened. Where Rory factored in to all of this, he wasn't sure, but he had definitely decided that this whole little love triangle was getting a little too Melrose Place on him. He didn't have time for extraneous drama. He had a business to run.

"Hey," Jess muttered, reaching for a donut. Luke shot him a look. "I know, I know," Jess smirked. "_Lid_," he remarked, placing the lid back on the donut tray. "See, I learned."

"Uh, Jess…" Luke started, crossing his arms and taking on that signature stance he had taken so many times before.

Jess bit into his donut. "I've got school," he reminded Luke. "So, uh, could you hurry this up?"

Luke paused, reaching for the right words. He knew he should just come out and tell Jess he knew about everything that was going on. He should ground him for having a girl in his room, although that didn't seem too fair, because after all there wasn't a rule against Jess having a girl in his room, and it was Rory, and Rory was well…_Rory_. In fact, he should make a rule against Jess bringing girls into his room. Luke nodded. He ought to make a whole list of rules.

"Paging Luke," Jess remarked, clearly not interested in Luke's serious manner. "Come on," he urged, walking towards the door.

"Uh, well," Luke started, then waved his hands. "Never mind."

Jess nodded. "Great talk," he remarked, slipping outside.

Luke stared at the cluster of bells shaking as the door slammed shut. See, bells were there for a reason.

xXx

"This is the second one this year," Paris rambled. "And look at the rest of the list; McCourt, Faulkner, Hemingway, and oh great, Fitzgerald."

Rory snapped out of her daze. It was impossible to ignore Paris. She commanded attention, and whether you liked it or not, you were forced to not only listen, but to respond. "Oh, yeah, Fitzgerald. He's great," Rory replied, dully, not fully certain about what Paris had been so aggravated about.

"Great?" Paris questioned, lips thinning. "Great? You're calling Fitzgerald great? Have you even _read_ Tender is the Night? Are you even aware of how skewed Fitzgerald's view of women was? They're either naïve and stupid and slutting it out like Rosemary, or if they show any signs of intelligence and non-conformity, it's only because they're damaged and insane like Nicole!"

"Whoa, wait, what?" Rory remarked. "Come on Paris, Fitzgerald was not sexist. He was speaking about the generation as a whole. He was talking about how lost _everyone_ was. Look at Nicole's husband, Dick. He's the one who ultimately loses everything."

Paris narrowed her eyes. "I'm still going to Headmaster Charleston about this. No women authors on the booklist. I can't believe you're not being even a little bit supportive."

"I _like_ all the authors you're condemning," Rory insisted.

"Oh sure sister, let Mary Wollstonecraft and all the others fight for our right and then just shove your lack of gratitude back in their faces by devouring Hemingway. That'll teach 'em."

Rory sighed. "I'm not going to the headmaster with you Paris, no matter how much you beg."

"I'm not begging," Paris insisted.

"Well good, because I have a bus to catch."

"Fine," Paris muttered, turning away from Rory. "Of course you'd leave me to deal with the important issues while you run off to frolic with the bag boy."

"I'm _not _leaving you to go see Dean," Rory remarked, a bit too loudly.

Paris caught the edge in Rory's voice and turned back around, not used to observing such hostility in her usually annoyingly gentile friend. "Sorry," she muttered. "I mean, it's fine if that's what you're doing. It doesn't make you Donna Reed or anything."

Rory slammed her locker shut. "I'm _not_ going to see Dean!" she repeated angrily. "It's just that unlike you, some of us actually have lives to go home to at the end of the day!"

Rory spun on her heel determinedly, only getting about three feet away before a wave of guilt swept over her. She sighed and started back towards Paris.

"Paris, I'm sorry…I didn't mean…"

"No, it's fine," Paris remarked icily. "Just because I don't participate in outrageously demeaning town events like pig wrangling or counting the number of cars that actually drive down my street, in hope that one day the number reaches the double digits, does not in any way mean I _don't_ have a life. I do."

Rory nodded. "I know you do."

"It's just that as student body president, I'm expected to give up some of that life in order to address the issues that are significant enough to…"

"Paris, _I know_," Rory insisted. "And, I'm really sorry…I've just been…"

"Moody? On edge? Testy?" Paris offered. She paused. "You're not pregnant, are you?"

Rory shook her head in dismay. "No, I'm not pregnant!" she hissed. "I just…Dean and I broke up, okay? So there you have it. Apparently, I'm able to be affected by the same stupid dramas that upset Madeline and Louise daily. Go ahead, rub it in."

Paris pressed her back against the row of lockers behind her. "Oh," she said carefully. "Well, I'm not good at these things, but if it helps, I never really liked Dean."

Rory rolled her eyes. "You didn't even know Dean."

"I'm an excellent judge of first impressions," Paris insisted.

"Oh yeah? Upon first impression you all but deemed me the anti-christ," Rory reminded her.

"No, I merely summed you up as competition," Paris insisted. "Which was accurate. Just because we're friends doesn't mean I don't realize that we're still competing for the same academic goals."

Rory had to give her that much.

"Look, it's not that I thought Dean was a jerk or anything," Paris added. "He just doesn't seem to have much to say about anything. It doesn't seem like he has many opinions or original thoughts, and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean he's dumb or anything. He just wasn't the kind of person I would have paired you with."

"Dean _has _opinions," Rory defended.

Paris laughed. "Oh, yeah, sure. I bet he has plenty of opinions on Star Wars and baseball games and cars and guy stuff like that. But things that you're interested in? Margaret Atwood? Tolstoy? Other obscure Russian and French novelists? Whiny and almost creepy indie girl bands?"

"P.J. Harvey is a person, not a band, and she's _not_ creepy," Rory insisted.

Paris shrugged. "I'm just saying, you two never really seemed like you had much in common. That's all."

"Well, we had some things in common," Rory defended.

Paris shot her a dubious look. "Fine, stay in denial, but knowing you two, you'll just be back together in a matter of weeks, so I wouldn't fret too much Goldilocks."

Rory's face fell. "No," she affirmed. "This time was different than before. This time it's…over."

"Oh," Paris replied. "Well, I'm sorry."

"Good to know," Rory nodded.

Paris tried again. "Look, I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to _do_ to make you feel better. I'm not good at this."

"Oh, I _know_ that…"

"But, if there's anything you need, then you can just let me know, and I'll promise to evaluate your need and see if there's anything I can think of to suffice my obligation to you as a friend."

Rory nodded. "Very thorough," she noted. "But, as I've missed my bus due to this conversation, how about I go to the meeting with you, just to make sure Headmaster Charleston doesn't strangle you, and then you can give me a ride home since my missing the bus is predominantly your fault."

Paris nodded. "If I give you a ride, does that mean my obligation for this whole breakup thing is fulfilled?"

Rory nodded. "Oh, yeah. In fact, I'm requesting that you never bring it up again."

"I can do that."

xXx

"Ow!" Lane remarked, her face tightening into a scowl as someone pushed past her. She was tired of being elbowed and prodded for merely walking down the school hallway. "Hey! Where's the fire buddy?" She froze when she realized who it was she was yelling at.

"Lane…I…"

"Oh, Dean, I'm sorry," Lane uttered quickly. "I didn't know it was you."

"Same here," he said, nodding. "So, um, sorry. Uh…see ya…"

"Dean, wait!" Lane called, jogging up to him. "I um…heard about…"

"Yeah," he replied quickly, shrugging. "Let me guess, yet again this bizarre town has decided to take the breakup out on me."

Lane paused. "Actually, no one really knows what to think, because Rory isn't…well, it's just that she hasn't said anything…to anyone."

Dean blinked. "Wow."

"Yeah," Lane nodded. "And, look, I'm not asking you to tell me what happened or anything like that. I know that whatever happened is between you and Rory, and therefore personal, but I just need to know if I should be concerned about her. She hasn't returned any of my calls and Lorelai's not sure what to do…and…"

Dean sighed. "Look, I really don't want to get into this Lane…"

"I know," she nodded. "And I don't want to make you get into this. I'm just worried about her and I'm not sure what to do. I get that this is weird for you, but I also know that just because you guys broke up, doesn't mean that you automatically stopped caring about her. So, could you just let me know if there's something I should be worried about?"

Dean hung his head, trying to debate what to say. He hated that he still felt obligated to keep the reasons for the breakup disclosed, despite the fact that Rory had been sneaking around and seeing Jess behind his back. Still, he didn't exactly know the extent of their meetings, and for all he knew, Rory might have been telling the truth. Her hanging out with Jess could have been purely innocent, minus the fact that he knew how much Jess was into her. Still, even if Rory never acted on any of her feelings for Jess, Dean knew they were there and the knowledge killed him. But it still didn't make him angry enough to want to turn on Rory. Hell, if he were her, he wouldn't want anyone knowing he liked Jess either. He'd probably be contemplating suicide to rid himself of the thoughts.

He turned back to Lane. "Look, I can't really say anything, because obviously Rory just doesn't want people to know what's going on. But if you happened to guess any of the reasons leading to our breakup, I suppose it wouldn't really be me telling you…"

"You didn't _cheat _on her, did you?" Lane asked quickly, the list of reasons she had spent the past week accumulating."

"_What_?!"Dean remarked. "You're kidding, right?"

"I know, I know! Sorry!" Lane replied quickly. "I just had to ask."

Dean scowled.

"Okay, well, it doesn't have to do with the whole college thing, does it?" Lane asked. "I mean, I know you and her got into an argument about her going away to college and you staying here and…"

"No, it wasn't that," Dean insisted.

"Okay," Lane nodded, decided to broach the more sensitive topic she had next on her list. "Is it um…I mean, does it have anything at all to do with…um…well, it's just that I know Jess can get on your nerves, well, _everyone's_ nerves and so…"

Dean shoved his hands into his pockets and met Lane's eyes.

"Oh," she replied, understanding. "Right. Well, don't worry, I'll pretend you never said a word," she said, turning around quickly, ready to head home. "Hey, Dean," she began, spinning back around. "Look, I know I'm just Rory's friend and I know that I have no idea what happened, but just for the record, Rory really did love you a lot, and I just know that she wouldn't want you to think you did anything…wrong."

Dean nodded. "Thanks Lane."

"Yeah," she replied slowly, buzzing with the new information she'd received.

xXx

Everywhere he went, people were whispering about the news of Rory and Dean's breakup. With anyone but Rory, the town would have hung flyers and held a town meeting to debate this sudden new transition, but since Rory was the town's golden girl, Taylor had obviously opted to be more discreet about this matter, for once in his life.

Or, perhaps Jess was exaggerating. Still, he could feel the news floating all over town. The exact same reactions occurred consistently every time he stepped foot out of the diner. People would stop talking, widen their eyes, and then scrutinize Jess as if wondering whether or not he held some unknown answer to the mystery of the breakup. Then, obviously deciding they were crazy to think Jess could have ever affected Rory, they would make a chuckling noise and continue about whatever business they had set out to do in the first place. It was enough to make Jess nauseous.

He was surprised, however, by the inaccuracy of Miss Patty's gossiping. She had been telling everyone that Rory and Dean had been broken up for a week, when in fact, it had been exactly nine days. He had counted. It had happened on a Wednesday, but since you couldn't really count that night, that meant the first official day marking the end of their relationship was a Thursday. So, two days ago, on Wednesday, it would have been a week. Now, it was Friday. It had been nine days.

Nine days. Nine days without a word. No contact. No letter. No phone call. Nothing. She and Lorelai even avoided the diner. She came in once, with Lane, ordered a coffee, spotted Jess, and bolted. Rory certainly had a knack for making her guys feel appreciated.

He tried telling himself that she was just still upset. After all, despite the fact that Stars Hollow's prized green bean stocker retained less information in his miniscule head than a small rabbit, he had been Rory's first real boyfriend, and well, he knew that meant something to her. Of course, he expected her to be upset. He knew she would be. She couldn't just forget Dean and move on. That wasn't Rory. He hadn't even expected any contact at first. He figured he'd give her a few days to sort this mess out before she'd show up and at least offer a simple, "Hi". Didn't he at least deserve that much? He wasn't asking her for anything. He wasn't assuming they'd start dating or even contemplate that much, but he never assumed she'd be avoiding him. Jess was very familiar with the guilt that went along with doing something wrong, and though he was experiencing a similar dose of guilt, he couldn't help but wonder what it was that he had done wrong.

Lorelai came into the diner once, too. She marched up to him, apparently determined to give him a piece of her mind, but when she finally was face to face with him, she froze, unable to figure out exactly what to say. He had stood there silently, waiting for her to come out with whatever bullshit shpeel she had conjured up this time, but much to his surprise, she just clamped her mouth shut and marched directly back out of the diner. It was all very anti-climatic.

So, he here stood, on day nine, scribbling orders for an overgrown infant named Kirk who couldn't figure out that his shirt was longer on one side because he had buttoned it incorrectly.

xXx

"I don't want to go to dinner tonight," Rory announced, emerging from her room after several hours of just wallowing mindlessly on her bed.

Lorelai blinked. This was the most stimulation she had gotten out of her daughter all week. "Hun, we have to leave in ten minutes and you're wearing Hello Kitty pajamas."

The joke didn't even touch Rory. "Please?" she begged. "I'll tell you what happened if you don't make me face grandma right now. And I don't want to get changed. I just want to stay here. Please?"

Lorelai sighed. "Okay," she nodded, trying desperately to be patient. "I'll call."

"Thank you," Rory nodded, walking past Lorelai into the living room. She flopped onto the couch and turned the TV on. She scanned mindlessly through a couple of channels before abruptly flicking it back off. She tossed the remote onto the coffee table. She'd been bored out of her mind for days, preoccupying herself mostly with schoolwork. However, even that seemed to have a limit, because apparently she was all caught up in school for the next two weeks. She knew she was acting insanely, but she just had to keep busy to keep from going insane, or to keep from thinking too much and over-analyzing her breakup with Dean. She had particularly been avoiding analyzing anything involving Jess. There was just too much to sift through.

"Well Emily just called me by a very charming name. The same name that Michel nearly got fired for uttering in the presence of a very valued guest at the inn."

Rory offered a weak smile. "Sorry."

Lorelai sat down next to her daughter. "Okay, kid, you've got to let me in…at least a little. I hate seeing you like this, but even worse I hate feeling like I can't help you, which I definitely can't if you won't let me."

Rory nodded. "Well, let me start off by saying…I need you to not get mad."

Lorelai nodded. "I can try not to."

"Okay," Rory agreed, figuring this was the best she could expect. After all, her mom did spend an hour wondering where she was at eleven o'clock at night. She didn't expect to get off the hook so easily. "Well, I wrote a note."

"You wrote a note?"

Rory nodded. "To Jess."

"Oh!" Lorelai remarked, forcing herself to blink. "Well, uh…why…I mean, not why, but when? And, yeah, why?"

Rory sighed. "After I got back from Washington, because…because I kissed him."

"Okay, kid, you're gonna stop my heart if you keep this up," Lorelai remarked, panicked. "I could have sworn you just said that…"

"I kissed Jess," Rory reaffirmed. "I know, I should have told you, but it was at Sookie's wedding, and everything with dad happened and then there was Dean…I just thought that if I went away to Washington and distanced myself from the situation, I might gain some perspective."

"And did you?!" Lorelai remarked, trying her best to remain calm.

Rory shook her head. "All I really learned was that I must have set the Guinness Book World Record for _Dear Jess_ letters and also that Dean is really annoying over the phone…"

"Annoying?"

Rory nodded.

"Explain?"

Rory shrugged. "I don't know exactly. He just kept calling and going on and on and on about the dumbest things, and I was doing that thing where you hold the receiver away from your ear, because if you witness another minute of the conversation, you might be forced to shoot yourself! And I shouldn't have _felt _like that! He was my boyfriend and he was talking to me and there I was keeping him at arm's length, like he was The Plague or something…"

"Hun," Lorelai interjected. "Did you ever think that maybe your inability to listen to Dean was due to a slightly guilty conscious?"

Rory sighed. "Yeah, of course I did. And of course that's what it was. But it was more than that. I had absolutely no interest in anything he said."

"Oh," Lorelai remarked, surprised.

"Anyway, I came back and I wrote Jess this letter…well, it was more like a note…or a few short words or something…and I stuck it in a book and I gave it to him, and that was it."

"What did the letter say?"

"Just stuff."

Lorelai raised an eyebrow. "Like, _I hate you for making me kill a tree in order to write this _stuff or _Dear Jess, I can't get enough of your brooding scowl. You delinquent-like tendencies thrill me_…"

"Mom!" Rory remarked. "Can you stop? This isn't a joke!"

"I _know_ this isn't a joke, but until you at least summarize this note, I'm going to keep playing out a million different scenarios of what you could have possibly written."

"It just basically told him that I didn't like the situation."

"Meaning that you didn't like that you had kissed him or that you didn't like that you were with Dean?"

Rory shrugged. "I didn't exactly clarify."

Lorelai nodded. "Right, and I'm sure that didn't drive him crazy at all…at least, not crazy enough to perhaps endanger the wellbeing of his hand."

Rory frowned. "So you think Jess hurt his hand because he was angry at me?"

"No, not angry…frustrated. Think about it. You go to New York to see him. He comes back here, completely unannounced and out of the blue. Then you kiss him and without another word run away to Washington. And finally, when you're back, you give him the most ambiguous note in the history of ambiguity. I'm sure Bush could have made a more concise point."

Rory sighed. "It's not that I didn't want to tell him exactly what I wanted," Rory insisted. "I just wasn't sure and I made up my mind to stay with Dean. So, I thought I should at least give Jess a note, but then I realized I didn't know what to say."

"So you politely said nothing, but gave the appearance of caring," Lorelai nodded. "Continue."

"Anyway, he kind of sent me a message back," Rory started. "I don't really want to get into the whole thing, but he basically underlined a passage in a book and it pretty much summed up our situation perfectly, which made me realize that he knew I'd done the cowardly thing by not admitting to anything, which of course, made me feel a thousand times worse."

Lorelai nodded, trying desperately to follow along.

"So, in the meantime I was trying to be as nice as I could to Dean, but it was like I wasn't even there. I couldn't concentrate on a word he was saying, and so I found myself blowing him off a lot and telling him I had school stuff to do."

"Hence the newly acquired hermit status."

"Pretty much," Rory agreed. "Well, one night I went to the diner, mainly to keep from going insane with boredom, but also because I was starving. That was the night you worked late…"

"But apparently, _not_ late enough," Lorelai noted.

"I'm getting to that part," Rory insisted. "Anyway, I went to the diner and everyone was at the town meeting, so Jess was left in charge."

"Scary thought."

"_Mom_."

"Well, it is!"

Rory shook her head. "Anyway, we just started talking and then Luke came back and we went upstairs to listen to a cd…."

"_Listen to a cd_?" Lorelai repeated. "Kid, that's code for, _I'll show you mine if you show me yours_."

"Gross!" Rory remarked. "And we really _did_ listen to the cd…the entire cd, in fact, and I don't know, we were just talking about books and music and things like that, and before we knew it, the cd had ended and I realized how late it was."

"Uh huh."

"What if I told you that was it?"

"Then I'd know for sure that you were lying."

Rory cursed her mother's fine-tuned skills of perception. "We might have kissed again…"

"_Rory_!" Lorelai remarked.

"Well, what did you think happened?" Rory remarked.

"Okay, well, who kissed who?"

"Which time?" Rory asked.

"Both times! Unless there's a third time you're now hiding."

"No, just two."

"So?"

"I kissed him."

"Which time?"

"Both."

"_Rory_!"

"I know! Stop! I feel horrible enough as it is," Rory insisted. "I know this won't make sense, but the thing was, it had nothing to do with Dean. It was separate from Dean. Of course, I knew Dean wouldn't see it that way, but it didn't have anything to do with me being unhappy with Dean. It was different."

"That's probably worse."

"I know," Rory agreed. "So, then we heard Luke coming and I got all freaked out, so I hid under Jess's bed, which was _really_ stupid because Luke wouldn't have cared that Jess and I were talking, but I was jumpy and anxious, and so, I hid. Then I had to wait for Luke to fall asleep before leaving, because since I decided to hide, I had to stick to the story that I wasn't actually upstairs. And, I left as soon as I could."

"Which is when you ran into Dean," Lorelai finished.

Rory nodded. "In the meantime, Jess had just gotten off the phone with you and had run over to warn me about Dean and well, it was just bad."

"Staring contest?"

Rory ignored her. "Dean just yelled at me and accused me of lying to him about Jess, and I tried to calm him down, but he was right, and I knew it. It was just…bad."

"Sounds it," Lorelai nodded. "But, are you sad it's over?"

Rory shrugged. "In a way, I guess. I mean, he was my first real boyfriend and the first time we broke up, I was a mess. But this time, it was different. This time I knew it was for good and even though I knew that was what was best for both of us, it's still hard to not see him everyday."

Lorelai nodded. "It'll get easier. I know, crappy advice, but give it a few weeks, and I'll guarantee you'll be in a much better frame of mind."

Rory nodded. "I know," she agreed.

"So, um, what about Jess?"

Rory sighed. "I don't know," she insisted.

"Well, what did he say?"

"When?"

"When you talked to him?"

"When I talked to him when?"

Lorelai sighed. "Well, I'm assuming at some point this past week, you've spoken to Jess."

Rory shook her head.

"_Rory_!" Lorelai remarked for the third time. "You can't be serious? I know I don't like the kid, but this is pretty cruel."

"I know," Rory agreed. "I just don't know what to say…again."

"Well, you're going to have to think of something, because I can't keep avoiding Luke's."

"It's just that I don't want him to think anything," Rory replied. "I don't want him to automatically think that that's it; he won and Dean lost. It's not that simple. Plus, I don't exactly want Dean to see me talking to Jess and get more hurt…that's not fair to him…not after everything…."

"Hun, Dean's a big boy," Lorelai insisted. "He's going to see you talking to Jess, because apparently you can't stop yourself from talking to Jess. And he already knows about it, so there's nothing more you can do. The damage is already done."

Rory sighed. "I know. I just didn't want anyone to get hurt."

Lorelai sympathized. "That's not always possible. But, you can't keep yourself miserable just because you think it will make everyone else happy."

"I know."

"I mean, look at the situation now. We have Dean, unhappy. You, very unhappy. And Jess, well it's normal for him to be unhappy…"

"_Mom_," Rory remarked. "I get it."

Lorelai nodded. "Okay." She sighed. "Look, if you decide at any point in the near future that what you really want is to be with Jess, then just know that it's all right by me."

Rory eyed her mom curiously. "_Really_?" she remarked doubtfully.

Lorelai nodded. "I won't promise I won't have a full psychiatric evaluation performed on you, _but_ if the results come back normal, then yes, it's okay with me. It doesn't mean I like him and it definitely doesn't mean I'm not worried, but I trust you."

Rory grinned. "It _killed_ you to say that, didn't it?"

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Oh, now. Don't mock."

Rory smiled. "Okay," she remarked. "You win."

"Win?"

"Yup," Rory said, getting up and retreating to her room. "I'm putting on _actual_ clothes and when I come out, we can go get some real dinner."

Lorelai's eyes widened. "No more microwave popcorn?"

Rory shook her head. "We're going to go to Luke's, I'm going to ignore the several crazy townspeople who gawk at me as we walk in, and then you're going to get coffee and a Lorelai and I'm going to talk to Jess, because well, because I should."

Lorelai nodded. "You're sure?"

Rory nodded. "I have to do this," she insisted.

"Okay," Lorelai agreed. "Just one question before we reintroduce you back into the world of people."

"Yes?"

"What's a Lorelai?"

Rory grinned.

xXx

Wasn't that quick? r/r! The more feedback I get, the more compelled I become to write more!!!


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